It’s Not a Life Crisis, it’s a Life Chrysalis
I’m sure at some point in elementary school, you were exposed to or taught the life stages of a caterpillar turning into the beautiful butterfly it was always meant to be. Probably in science class. The caterpillar painstakingly attaches its body to a branch or twig with silk, and then meticulously forms a chrysalis. Inside this protection is where the magical alchemy occurs. During the transformation phase, it’s dark and gooey while the DNA reconfigures, and at the end of this transition cycle, (not a crisis), the creature emerges into the being it was destined to become.
I recently finished reading Learning to Love Midlife, by Chip Conley, and immediately felt appreciative to the author for his viewpoint on aging. The golden nuggets in this book touch on the physical, emotional, mental, vocational, and spiritual life changes that occur as we age, or as Chip likes to point out, as we “grow.” He refers to aging as growing. When we see or greet a person of certain years, we never say, “my, how you’ve grown!,” but that’s exactly what it is.
I’ve become obsessed, of late, with redwood trees. On my bucket list in the very near future is a trip to the west coast to see these magnificent beings in person. I’m prepared to be a sobbing mess when it happens. Redwoods have been around since the dinosaur age and can live between 700 and 2000 years. They can only be found in one place, along the west coast between California and Oregon.
Besides being the tallest tree on the planet, among other special qualities, they are naturally resistant to insects, fungi, and fire because they’re high in tannins and don’t produce resin. There is no known insect that can destroy a redwood tree. They capture more carbon dioxide from our atmosphere than any other tree on Earth, making them superstars to mitigating climate change. Wild animals thrive and depend on the redwood forests. Maybe they’re the ultimate “mother tree?”
We have wrinkles and trees have wrinkles that we call rings. We stand in awe and amazement at old growth trees in the forests, commenting on their beauty, grace, and height, noting the imperfections as perfection from the roots to the crown. What our eyes are taking in is the result of “being in process.” Developmental increments of time that have fostered these gorgeous trees.
Most consider mid-life to start around age 50, but I think it starts much earlier, perhaps as young as 35 (a woman’s pregnancy at 35 or greater is termed “geriatric”), especially in this day and age of “anti-aging.” With so much emphasis on staying youthful and remaining productive, one can’t help but feel getting left behind with the passing of each birthday. By the way, anti-aging equals death. If you’re not aging, or growing as Chip Conley says, then you’re dying.
“I’m here to be me, which is taking a great deal longer than I had hoped.”
Mid-life crisis is a misnomer. Moments, events, passages in our lives that feel chaotic, raw, messy, and mucky just may be an awakening, learning, remembering, or a realization of being at a crossroads. Do you keep on keeping on, or do you take the path less traveled?
Perhaps you’re ready to release words that have been unspoken, or made a decision that won’t be understood or even accepted by your loved ones. Maybe you’re facing life without a beloved or experiencing another type of significant loss. Maybe you’re looking at retirement, and thinking, “now what?”
I believe that every “crisis” we experience carries the potential for great transformation. Moving us from Raw to Refined. A wooden table you see in a furniture store didn’t start out that way.
We are Beings in Process.
I prefer to think of crisis moments as opportunities-Green Light, Go!
I gaze inward, noticing my thoughts and all my bodily sensations and possible trauma responses. I consider what is within my control and what is not. I listen. I allow myself to feel and sit with the growing pains.
These uninvited growing pains really like to show up at milestone birthdays. During many conversations with clients in their 20s, I often hear the panic in their voice as they’re approaching the 30s decade, sometimes hearing how “old,” they are. Adulthood is scary and full of unknowns, and I have great empathy for those younger than me.. But every birthday and every decade is a call for celebration-
You’ve added another ring in your tree!
You are a one-time event. Never to be seen or heard from again in this lifetime.
Sit with that.
Please honor your birthday every year. If you can’t take the day off, or even want to, please allow some time on that very special day to thank your body for seeing you through another voyage around the sun in the universe. Don’t freak out. You’re just growing up.
Forests have to grow up too. As part of a healthy ecosystem, the trees, old leaves and branches, pretty much the forest floor, all need to regenerate in order to thrive. Humans are tasked to do the same during times of adjustment and life’s challenges. If we are to truly expand and move through the “crisis,” then be ready to embrace the recycling of old identities, labels, perceptions, ideas, or any part of you that needs to be refreshed or regenerated.
A shift in one’s own energy is always followed by a shift in one’s own reality.
It ain’t over til it’s over. We can continue to pull back layers and remove our masks that the difficult times enable for us, until we reconnect to our True Authentic Selves.
And that magic, my friend, happens in a “chrysalis,” not a crisis.
Morphing
I wonder how
a caterpillar feels
As it forms a cocoon.
Does it think
its world is over
Or does it know it’ll be a butterfly soon?
Metamorphosis
Change to the max.
Make the transition and never look back.
—Ms. Moem
I now look at butterflies, moths, and caterpillars with new eyes and new appreciation, not just for them, but also for myself.
Til next we meet in the forest…
Love,
Amanda ❤️
